“I was amazed and worried for not falling asleep for the entire nights till it was soon morning. I tried sleeping pills a few times but they had no effect. Though not willfully, many sins used to be committed. Watching Films, Dramas and  songs and many other sins happened against will.”

Respected Hakeem Sahib, Assalamo Alaikum ! I am an old reader of Ubqari. I have also been honored to meet you twice. I had been writing letters to you earlier and informing about my practices (Aamaal). But for the last 4-5 months, I could not find an opportunity to write you a letter. It was partly due to some commitments and also due to restrictions by some sins. I am unable to understand as to how I begin my tale. Four months ago I did a course which comprised of a 40 days’ workshop. I live in a small village near Sheikupura. When the course began, the cetre of my workshop was at Lahore. It was a troublesome matter as there was no question of transiting from Sheikhupura to Lahore on daily basis. So I arranged my accommodation near Shadrah with my relatives. But after attending the workshop for a few days, I realized that it was still very far from the residence. I had to reach there after changing two buses and I had to travel alone. A friend of mine, who was recently married, used to live near the university. These people were from my village. She offered me to stay at her house which was nearby the workshop since I used to come from a far off place. The person with whom my friend has been married is a multi millionaire. She lives alone. I consulted my family and they permitted me to live with her as we had old terms with her family. I started living with her. Her bungalow was worth millions and 6 cars were always available at her place. A car would timely drop and pick me from the university. I was looked after very well. All of this was suitably managed by my friend. I had all the comforts available there. Whatever I wanted to eat was made for me. I was free to live the way I wanted to. I strictly observed veil there especially from her husband. I tried my best to perform Aamaal but there I could hardly manage to offer only my Farz prayers. Despite all my efforts I could not get an opportunity to do Aamaal.

I was mostly alone in my room. There was a huge LED TV in my room. When I used to feel boredom, I would switch on the TV. Whenever I would pick up the Tasbeeh, my mind would get distracted. I would forget that I was doing Tasbeeh. After the university I watched TV all the time. I could not sleep the entire night although I used to have the soundest sleep at home. I was amazed and worried for not falling asleep for the entire nights till it was soon morning. I tried sleeping pills a few times but they had no effect. Though not willfully, many sins used to be committed. Watching Films, Dramas and songs and many other sins happened against will. During those days such sins were committed by me, thinking about which now leaves me embarrassed. I am extremely thankful to Almighty that he keep saved my chastity. My friend’s husband was a very fine person. He took care of me more than a sister. But the outside world is very evil. After 40 days when I returned home, Taaleem (religious education session) was being conducted at home. I arrived home polluted with so many sins, yet Almighty blessed me to join the Taaleem. My family is Masha Allah very religious and Taaleem is regularly conducted at home. Then when I mentioned about my friend’s wealth to my family, my sister in law enquired about her husband’s occupation. When I told her about his nature of work, my sister in law revealed that his earnings contain Haraam. Then I realized that for 40 days, I had been enjoying on suspicious earning. Now when the religious education has started to affect me a little, I can understand as to why I could not sleep there. Despite fully air-conditioned room and comfortable mattress there was no satisfaction. The heart was always ready to commit sins. Probably after consuming suspicious things, a person’s mind do not does not get attracted towards good deeds. Now I am very worried as to how I could expel out that Haraam from myself? How can I get rid of the Haraam drops of blood from my body?  After eating that which blood was produced that must have mix whole blood of body please tell me any remedy of this. What I should do. Then I came home and pimple appeared on my face which are endless and pimples appeared even on neck and blood keeps

oozing out of them, it is may be that blood which is produced by Haram. I pray to Allah to expel out this Haram from my body. my heart's condition is very bad I feel pessimism every time. I cannot offer namaz properly now but before that I use to offer tahajjad and I always remained busy in Amal.

there is a lot of turmoil in myself I want righteous path. by heart I want Allah to accept me again. before going to workshop My practices were very good and there was peace in heart but coming to this house I try to practice the same amal but there not that peace which was there before.